Why Do I Compare Myself To Others?
And what to do about it?
Why Do I Keep Comparing Myself to Other People?
I used to compare myself with other people far more than was good for me.
Life could be going perfectly well. I might be feeling positive about my work, pleased with what I was achieving and generally quite content with where things were heading. Then I’d discover somebody else was doing brilliantly.
Suddenly, everything changed.
Should I be further ahead? Why haven’t I done that? Am I doing enough?
Nothing in my life had actually altered. My achievements hadn’t disappeared. My circumstances were exactly the same as they had been five minutes earlier. Yet somehow, somebody else’s success had made mine feel smaller.
It sounds ridiculous when you put it like that. It’s also very human.
Psychologists have known for decades that we naturally compare ourselves with others. It helps us make sense of where we stand. Problems begin when we stop simply noticing somebody else’s success and start using it as evidence about ourselves.
Looking back, I can see my Blueprint was playing a part.
Your Blueprint is your mental and emotional engine. It contains your beliefs, values, rules, fears, opinions, personal truths and perceived memories. These form your identity and produce patterns of thinking that influence how you feel and behave. Seeing someone doing well could trigger thoughts in me such as I’m behind, I should be doing better, or I need to achieve more.
Their success wasn’t actually the problem I discovered.
The meaning I was giving it was.
Eventually, I began asking myself a different question:
“Do I actually want what they’ve got?”
Quite often, rather amusingly, the answer was no.
A much more useful question followed:
“What am I making their success mean about me?”
That was where things started to change.
Another person succeeding doesn’t mean you’re failing. Someone progressing faster doesn’t mean you’re going backwards. A bigger business, salary, house or following doesn’t automatically mean a better life either. Comparison can sometimes show us what we genuinely want.
At other times, it simply presses a button in our Blueprint.
Learning which one is happening can make a huge difference.
If comparison constantly leaves you feeling behind, not good enough or under pressure to achieve more, this is exactly the kind of pattern I work on with people through my coaching. I love seeing people have that 'ah-ha' moment and start changing!
You can also explore how self doubt may be showing up for you through The Imposter Index™.
